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[idealisme]

●●●●○ THESA

ENJOLRAS
@revolution (25) Paris, France

CONTACT

IGNORE

I WAS A: a revolutionary, a thorn in the side of the monarchy, raising voices against oppression and injustice

I'M SKILLED IN: rhetoric, organisation, cold passion

I'M LOOKING FOR: fellow revolutionaries

ALSO, I'M: confused about what to put here. There's nothing more to be said.

Comments

[idealisme]

Why wouldn't it be? People come and go all the time. [It's something that isn't often talked about, or something that Enjolras hasn't noticed people talking about.]

We already have more time than we ought have had. We lose nothing in returning. [That's the logic of it. He had known he would die in the Corinthe. Waking up here had been the surprise.

But his gut is still unsettled by something. He dislikes it. He dislikes that he notices it.]

[winecasks]

[ Grantaire keeps a closer eye on these things than Enjolras does. He’s noticed that all of his monarch friends have long since returned to stasis, though he hasn’t thought to mention it. They were his friends, but they weren’t from his own home. The situation always felt further removed, but now it’s impossible to avoid. ]

You mean to say that you lose nothing in returning.

[ Died for his one belief, that one belief is you, etc. Just let him have this. ]

In losing Jehan, then, have we lost nothing? Did his presence here mean nothing?

[idealisme]

Of course- [not. His mouth shuts in a firm line.

Enjolras is certain of his logic. But logic cannot explain all of this. Thinking of how life will be here without Jehan- it won't be as it was before he came. There will be a gap.

It's something he'd never have noticed in Paris, with the revolution devouring all his attention.]

It will not be the same.

[winecasks]

It will not. I feel as if I've lost a limb.

[ Where Enjolras so rarely understands Grantaire, it’s Grantaire’s turn to not quite understand Enjolras. He feels such a deep love for all of their friends and there’s seldom a time when he doesn’t miss them. Jehan waking had lessened his misery a touch (just a touch), but now he’s been thrown back into it at full force. He can’t fathom how Enjolras can be so staunchly and stubbornly logical on this particular topic. ]

Do you not wish they were here? When you’ve been trapped with me until one of us should return as well, do you not wish for them instead?

[idealisme]

What I wish-

[I feel as if I've lost a limb.

Wasn't that how he had been feeling all these months without Courfeyrac and Combeferre there at his side? Always just out of step with the world without them, too untempered, too cutting-

His steps slow, though they haven't reached where Prouvaire is likely to be.]

I cannot live waiting for things I have no control over. I will change what I can and live with the rest. [His voice lacks it's usual firmness. He wishes they were all here.]

[winecasks]

[ He’s been dragging along behind Enjolras, miserable and sluggish, but he notices when the other man’s pace slows and they fall into step with one another. They haven’t even yet reached Jehan’s stasis pod.

In the end, their friends matter more to Grantaire than wine or Greek tragedies or his inherent need to not believe in anything. If he’s to be here, he’ll live his life waiting for them. He misses them so deeply, and although Enjolras doesn't say, he surely must feel the same. ]

I know. I would spend the entirety of my second life waiting for them to wake, and if they never should, then so be it. I will have wasted nothing. You cannot control who wakes any more than I can control how much I drink, but that is not the question I asked.

[idealisme]

[Strange that a year ago, when they'd first woken, he'd have unhesitatingly answered affirmatively. Of course he wished for Combeferre in place of this drunkard. Even Bahorel would have been an improvement.

Now, he thinks of Jehan and how he'd said how terribly sad Grantaire was. He thinks of the things he has learned about him.] Of course I wish they were here. I know you feel the same.

[winecasks]

[ Grantaire would never wish for anyone in Enjolras’ place. Instead, he would simply wish for Joly and Bossuet in addition to Enjolras, just as it once was.

All the same, he’s surprised to hear the words “I know you feel the same”. Has Enjolras been paying enough attention to realize, or is it just an easy assumption to make? ]

I do. If giving up wine could stir them from their slumbers, I would do it in an instant and never drink another drop.

[ Or at least try. It’s the thought that counts. ]

If they were here, I believe you would be able to accomplish whatever it is you’re trying to do here.

[ His belief is Relentless. ]

[idealisme]

[Though Enjolras doesn't turn to face him, he hears again the echoes of what the man had said the last time they'd been up in this station.

What did it matter than Grantaire believed in him if he wasn't going to help? But he doesn't want to talk about that. Nor does he want to talk about what he's trying to accomplish here- here in this land that is not France, does not share her history or her people or even the sentiment.

No, his absent friends are on his mind and suddenly he does not want to speak at all.]

Perhaps. [Perhaps they would awaken. Perhaps they would succeed. The future here was unclear.

Time to change the subject.]

If he is gone we will need to water his plants.

[winecasks]

[ He notices that Enjolras has changed the subject, though what he says next draws a laugh from him, even if it is hollow and a little bit hopeless. ]

Poor Prouvaire. How disappointed he would be. His garden is likely to wilt and die.

[ He’s self-aware enough to know that Enjolras is too distracted and he’s too lacking in motivation for that garden to thrive. ]

[idealisme]

[Grantaire's laugh is a depressed one.

(How long has he been aware of the types of laugh this man has? When did his mind decide this was important enough to file away? He thinks again of what Jehan had said: He's so sad, all the time)]

We will water it. [Said in much the same tones as "we will bring an end to their corrupt government"]

[winecasks]

[ His smile is the same way: sad, hollow, not quite meeting his eyes, but he smiles all the same.

We will. For a time.

[ He would never completely dismiss anything Enjolras has to say, even his politics, but he knows how the two of them are. He’s become self-aware enough to say it. ]

But things will change. You will grow distracted and I will grow hopeless and melancholy to the point that I lose all motivation to continue and Prouvaire’s garden will grow no more. It truly is a burden that only he could bear.

[idealisme]

[Enjolras turns to look the man in the face as they walk. He speaks the truth, but the hopelessness frustrates him.] That is no reason not to attempt it. For as long as we remember, we will care for it in his memory.

[Already he can imagine the burden it will be- but seeing that Grantaire has picked his position, Enjolras will argue the counterpoint.]

[winecasks]

[ Grantaire can’t imagine they’ll remember for long. They’ll never forget Jehan, but his poor garden will only be tended to for so long. It hurts to know that they’re incapable of doing such a small thing for their friend who did so much for them, but to Grantaire, it just feels like the way things are. How can it be changed? ]

Imagine his surprise if he stirred once more and found his garden still alive.

[ There’s no hope or positivity in his voice. It’s simply one of his fleeting thoughts. ]

I don’t believe in miracles, but that would be close enough.